I will survive
by Amouse16
Summary: Maira got dumped by Michael. How will she survive, and will she still want him when he comes back? Songfic. After SKIN & BONES


I WILL SURVIVE

**I WILL SURVIVE**

"I miss you, Michael" Maria said, sadly. 

"I know, but don't." Michael took a bite of pizza and walked to his table without looking back.Yea, he would probably see her in about 7 seconds, he wasn't leaving the party and she sure as hell wasn't allowing him to scare her out of the Crashdown, but she hated that he could leave so casually. Why was he able to do that when the mere though of him leaving was enough to make Maria want to curl into a ball under her bed and let her tears mingle with the cypress oil?

"If I wasn't so damn perfect I would think it was me." She mumbled, steeling herself before going back to face the group. She sat down next to Liz and pulled her chair close to her friend and gripped her hand tightly. Liz shot her a quizzical look, then saw Michael trying not to look and Maria and smiled sympathetically at her friend in understanding. 

Maria smiled as Liz squeezed her hand reassuringly. Thank god for Liz! Maria looked at Max making cow eyes at Liz. Max, too, she thought. It was almost funny how close they had gotten over the summer, but misery loves company and they were probably the two most miserable people in all of Roswell! She knew in her head that she would be OK, but her heart hurt. Badly.

_At first I was afraid, I was petrified, thinking I could never live without you by my side, but then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong, and I grew strong._

_ _

"So I'm thinking I should just quit my job." Max said to Maria over ice cream sundaes. "If I'm not working for Milton I don't know that I want to be there. And that Brody guy—"

"Gives you the wiggins?" Maria offered.

"I guess." Max answered and took a bite of ice cream. "What do you think?"

Maria played with her sundae, mixing the thick chocolate syrup with the vanilla ice cream until it was all a weird brown. "I don't know."

"Are you thinking of Michael?"Max asked tenderly

"How could he just leave Max? I mean, he said he didn't want to be together, but for him to just leave town? How can he do that? It kills me that I don't see him everyday."

"I know exactly how you feel." Max said, bitterly. Maria glanced at him, half empathy, half annoyance. "Don't worry, tonight is your turn to complain. And, honestly, I think it's been hard on Michael, too. After we saw our mother, well, Isabel and my mother, Michael kinda snapped. He needs to find out who he is."

"I know all this." Maria cried, frusterated. "Why can't he find out with me? Why can't I be a little part of him?"

Max leaned over and touched her cheek gently, brushing her hair out of her face. "If I give you all the answers will you stop asking me questions?"

Maria chocked on a laugh, Max knew that laugh, it was what she did when she was close to tears. He expected her to break down, to cry. His arms were already going around her when she pushed him away and forced a grin. "Don't we just make you sick?" 

"Huh?"

"So we got dumped! Big deal! Thousands of people get dumped every day. We've had the entire summer to heal and we still are miserable. That's just wrong." She turned quiet suddenly. "I love Michael, Max. Really I do. It scares me sometimes how much I love him. But he doesn't want me. That hurts, but I can't spend my life obsessing over some guy that will never be mine. I'm 17, Max. I deserve some fun."

Max stood up to look her in the eye, "You are absolutely right! Even if we are heart broken we can have some fun!"

Maria looked at her watch, "UFOnics, that dance club is open for two more hours, what do you say we go and _rock and roll all night_?" 

Max laughed, "You're on!" He stood up and was only a little surprised when Maria took his hand and led him to the jeep. 

Two hours later Max collapsed on the bench in front of Maria's house, exhausted. Maria was still dancing a little, singing along to the music inside her head. The porch light was on and moths were flying close to the dim bulb. Even though he was sure she was getting bitten by bugs Maria danced in the light. Max hung back in the shadows, trying to avoid some bites, even though he could ask Isabel to get rid of them. Maria finally took in some deep breaths and sat down next to Max. It wasn't until then that Max noticed that Maria was like a glow in the dark sticker; if she soaked in enough light she could be in the dark and glow brightly. That was cool.

"I have an idea Max." Maria said, finally breaking the silence. 

"What?"

"Why don't you come and work at the Crashdown?" 

"The Crashdown?"

"Sure! Liz doesn't work there anymore and she's hardly ever around. I could use someone on my side since Michael quit. We could be, like, eachothers sponsers! If one of us gets all sad and depressed and self-piting we can help!"

"I don't know."

"Max," Maria said seriously, "What does the UFOmuseum hold for you? If you're going to give up your destiny and try to just be as human as possible, it won't do you any good to go to work every day and be reminded that…"

"I'm not human?"

"You're one of the mosthuman guys I know. DNA doesn't change this." She poked his ribs lightly, where his heart was. "Come on, say yes."

"Yes."

"Yay! You said yes!" Maria jumped up and did a happy dance.

Max grabbed her arm and pulled her back down next to him, "If I had known you were gonna start that again I would have said no." He laughed when she swatted him and realized he hadn't laughed in a long time. 

Maria realized how close she was sitting to Max in the dark. She felt the warmth of his body and liked the contact, innocent as it was. She leaned over softly and kissed him. It surprised her that he kissed her back. 

He was a good kisser. She wanted to lean into him and deepen the kiss, but something was missing. He wasn't Michael. She pulled away abruptly and they both blushed.

"I was hoping it was that Melmac blood that did it for me, but I guess not. There's only one spaceboy that I'm interested in."

"Isn't ALF from Melmac?" Max asked, amused. 

Maria laughed, "I'm impressed, not many people know ALF trivia."

"Well, ALF was the closest I got to home." Maria put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. 

"You're a good friend." Maria said.

"So are you."

"I'm glad we're friends. But we're just friends aren't we?"

"Yea."

"Too bad. You're not Michael, but you Melmacs are hotties."

Max cracked up and stood up to go. "Promise me one thing." 

"Name it."

"You won't make me wear one of those little silver atenna things."

"Promise. I'll make you a hat that says _I'm an alien…deal with it." _And she walked into the house with the memory of Max's laughter.

_And now you're back, from outer space, I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face, I should have changed the lock, I should have made you leave your key, if I thought for just one second you'd be back to bother me. Go on now, go, walk out the door. Just turn around now, cuz you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one that tried to hurt me with good bye? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die oh not not I. _

_ _

**_One month later:_**

**_ _**

"Max! The brat at table three spilled her drink _again._ Can you please take table four their food? It'll be out in just a minute." Maria grabbed towels and a small bowl of water, "Jose you better get that food out here, I swear to god--:"

"Maria, chill, I got it. Take the kid. My section is fairly calm, I'll take care of table four and even do the coffee rounds for you."

Maria kissed him on the cheek "You're a god!"

Max shrugged, slightly embarrassed, "I know."

Maria cleaned up the coke that was already sticking to the floor. "Gross," She mumbled, "These people better tip well." Finally she finished and smiled at the family, "All done! Can I get you anything else?"

"Just the check."

"Not a problem." She smiled brightly at them but as soon as she was out of ear shot she groaned. "Damn people."

"Tough day?" Max asked, over hearing her.

"A long one. I'm just ready to be done."

"Well, Agnus is supposed to be here in a few minutes, I can cover you till then. Why don't you go on home?"

"Don't toy with me, Max."

"I wouldn't. Go on."

"Awesome!" She ripped off her apron and antennae and practically ran to the changing room. As soon as she was back in her street clothes (a short purple skirt and a silky purple shirt with an alien head on the front) she waved a quick good-bye to Max and darted out into the street. She lifted her face into the sunlight and smiled. "Freedom!"

She happily walked home, enjoying her beautiful hometown. When she arrived home she skipped inside and pulled out a bottle of iced herbal tea and took a long sip. "Yum" 

"Don't you even use a glass?" A voice asked her. The scream was a reflex, even though she was almost sure she recognized the voice. 

"Michael?"

"The one and only."

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to come back." He said simply.

"That's unacceptable, Michael! What's going on?"

"I came up dry, OK? I looked everywhere. I followed every freak who swore he had a close encounter. Nasadeau said that by using the communicators we would be sending up a signal. I _know _something, somewhere heard it. I had to find them. The day I left there was a lead in California I followed it."

"You've been gone for almost 2 months! You didn't write or call! You didn't even send a postcard."

"Like I said, I couldn't have a chick waiting for me."

"You broke my heart, Michael." She sat down on the other end of the couch and looked at the floor. There was a long beat of silence.

"What if I told you I was wrong? That I made a mistake and missed you?"

"You're gone for almost 2 months, I don't hear a word from you, I didn't know if you were dead or alive! But I survived, Michael, I did. It wasn't fun and it wasn't easy, but I'm still standing and that's something. My heart hurt so bad some days I thought it would stop beating. Then you come back—" She was so angry she burst into tears of anger, hurt and frusteration. 

Michael rubbed soothing circles on her back with one hand and his other smoothed out her hair. "Maria, Maria, I'm sorry…"

"Did you think my life would end when you left? That by coming back it would start again? Well, I have news for you Michael, there is more to me than you."

"I'm sorry, Maria. Honest, I am. As soon as I left—"

"Sorry won't cut it, Michael. I think you should leave."

"Maria can't we talk—"

"I've talked for too long. I've talked to Liz, I've talked to Max, the only one I haven't talked to is you and you know what, I don't think I want to talk to you. You know where the door is."

"Fine." He stood up and walked out. She couldn't believe he walked out. Maria knew she had yelled at him, had demanded he leave, but part of her was hoping he would stay and fight. But she was so tired so she just cried.

_I will survive, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive, I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give, I will survive. It took all the streangth I had not to fall apart, kept trying to mend the pieces of my broken heart. And I spent so many nights just feeling sorry for myself, I used to cry. But now I hold my head up high. And you see somebody new. I'm not the chained up little person who is still in love with you. And so you feel like dropping in and just expect me to be free, I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me_

_ _

"I'm proud of you, you know." Max said, hugging Maria. "You're strong, much stronger than me. Or any of us, really." 

Maria managed to giggle, "You're just saying that cuz your shift is almost over."

"Excuse me, this is not a shift!"

"Please! The group dynamics are in the toilet and I know you all are taking shifts. Liz came by from noon to 3 and we watched _An Affair To Remember _and talked about aliens." Maria noticed Max wince and plead with her with his eyes "And no, I won't tell you what we said. Girl talk is for girls only."

"I wasn't going to ask." 

Maria smiled, "Anyway, Liz left at three and Alex came at 3:15 and we played pictionary and other board games for a few hours, then you walked in the door at 5:30 and it's 7 and I know you have to leave soon because you told me tonight was family night. And Liz invited me to her house for dinner before she left earlier today. That all sounds remarkably like my friends are taking shifts."

"It's just because we all love you and are worried about you."

"I know. But the amazing part is, I'll be Ok. I mean, yea, it hurts like hell and I'm completely out of all my soothing oils, but I'll be ok. As much as I loved Michael, as much as I still do love Michael, I couldn't be with someone who would break my heart over and over."

"I understand." He paused, "Do you think you will ever be with Michael?"

"Maybe," Maria said, casually. "But I'm not holding onto all my hope for a maybe. I'm gonna be a teenager! I'm gonna go out with normal boys and hang out with my friends and have fun! Maybe I'll fall in love again. But for now, I'm OK. Or I will be ok."

"I'm glad." He grabbed his coat and put it on, he smiled at her one last time and turned to leave when she stopped him. 

"And Max, I couldn't have done it without you…Girlfriend."

"Bye, Maria." He left and Maria sat back on the couch and smiled sadly. Who knew what the future held? She knew there would be pain and tears and anger and fear. But there would also be happiness and friendship and love. Maybe love would be with Michael, or some other dark, handsome stranger. It may even be with Alex, though that would freak Isabel out. Prehaps even Max, and the look of horror Maria knew she would get from Liz made her laugh out loud. Bottom line, she would be ok.

_I will survive, hey, hey, hey. I will survive_


End file.
